4.6.10

It's been nearly two years since I last reported on a Grand Prix. So much has changed. When I last wrote, Button was a hapless journeyman and Webber was a respectable but unlucky journeyman.  Max has gone and Jean Todt’s in charge. Most of the major car manufacturers have gone too, blown away by the credit crunch and/or failure, to be replaced by small teams.

A big row occurred off-track because the Ferrari “barcode” livery was said to be reminiscent of Marlboro branding. I will leave aside the explanation of the team that it's simply a design; a might  unconvincing when the team is called Scuderia Ferrari Marlboro and one assumes that Marlboro aren't getting Gift Aid on their substantial charitable donations. The fact is that Marlboro has been very clever over the years (since 1972 in F1 with BRM) in establishing a brand that associates red and white with their product. By choosing Ferrari as a partner any white square will give them subliminal advertising.  Much as I disapprove of their product this is an instance where the authorities will have to admit defeat.  Besides, the plain white box looks even more Marlboro than the barcode to me.

One thing that hasn’t changed is “technical explanations” in the comics. They're as dubious now as they've ever been, so not real change. I remember journos explaining ground effect in the late 70's – it took them a good few attempts to get it right. Nothing changes here, because we now have the F-duct, that glorious device which means Alonso takes both hands off the wheel at over 150mph. We all know how it works. Air is bled in from the front of the car and the driver controls whether or not it passes over the rear wing. When operated it stalls the rear wing thereby reducing drag therefore increasing speed. Can we just rewind a second, please? We’re told that the air stalls the rear wing, but everything I've ever read about wings on a car (or an aircraft) says when a wing stalls its drag increases.  In addition, a wing's either stalled or it isn't and if it is then it develops no downforce (or lift).

The consequences of suddenly no rear downforce on a fast straight are interesting to contemplate at the very least.  There's doubtless something obvious that I'm missing, but couldn't somebody tell us what it is? I asked a former research scientist who was, I'm pleased to say, as puzzled as me.  He thinks that what might happen is the bleed alters the boundary layer, the bit of the airflow which is static next to the wing and moving at airspeed a little further away. By doing this, it changes the effective shape of the wing and it's this that reduces the downforce and drag, which is an explanation I've not seen in print but which I believe.
 
Elsewhere in the sport we no longer have T-cars, and this is a change which affected the race in a major way, especially for the Tifosi.  It's a cost saving measure that if you need to bring a spare car you can bring it in pieces and assemble it around the undamaged parts from a wreck. That doesn't sound efficient to me and of course it hit Ferrari when Alonso put his car into the barrier in untimed Saturday practice. While the Scuderia built up a new car, one of the few men who could have provided an afternoon's entertainment as he took a challenge to the Red Bulls sat unemployed.

Qualifying was going to be a Big Problem, said the comics, with a lot of slow cars out for the aces to avoid. But then somebody noted that there were 26 cars in the 80s, and back then they had to change gear as well.... There was some controversy as Button appeared to be held back by a dawdling Massa, but again the TV cameras told only half the story and it turned out that Massa, always taken to be one of the sportsmen of the paddock, was himself held up. Webber got pole, which was still a bit of a surprise despite recent performances and, in even more of a surprise, Vettel was third. Kubica, driving dramatically close to the barriers, was second, making it, as one commentator said, an appropriate French-based result. Which is, of course, correct if you believe that Monaco, where the race was held, is in France (which it isn't) and that Enstone, where the Renault F1 car is made, is in France (which it isn't).  Schumacher was pipped by his team-mate Rosberg and pretty graceless he was about it too as he blamed Nico. I'm sure Nico didn't hold Michael up deliberately, any more than Michael would himself deliberately hold up anybody else, especially at Monaco......  

At around this point, I'm supposed to write a race report. That's a bit tricky. Despite all the overtaking working parties it just didn't happen at Monaco. There wasn't any racing, just high speed, sublimely skilled driving in the ultra-confined environment. Vettel got past Kubica at the start; though to me it looked as though Kubica was so busy playing blocking games that he forgot he should be starting a Grand Prix.  As far as the front runners were concerned that was it. Massa started fourth and finished fourth.  The only time he wasn't fourth was for 10 laps around the pit stops. Just for the record, Hamilton was 5th. Any excitement for Tifosi came courtesy of Alonso.

Starting from the pits on soft rubber, Ferrari did either a masterstroke of tactics or a no-brainer (depending on who you listen to) in bringing Alonso in after a lap to change to the harder compound which saw him through to the end of the race. He carved his way through the new teams’ drivers until he got up to 6th by the brilliant tactic of not crashing while the other drivers went into the pits. And there he stayed until the end (nearly). Whilst the passing was impressive, done clinically and effectively, I couldn't help thinking of the much-quoted words of the late, great David Purley - “If a tiger in a Ferrari can't pass a rabbit in a Lec, maybe he isn't such a tiger after all.” [Niki Lauda was the "tiger" who complained about small team "rabbits" getting in the way in 1977. The Lec was designed by Mark Webber's engineer Ciaron Pilbeam's dad Mike].

Absence of overtaking and proper racing didn't mean the race was without incident, in fact quite the reverse. Hulkenberg's Williams had a wing failure which led to a Safety Car which in turn gave rise to one of the great comedy moments of F1. The slow running behind the Safety Car put out Jenson Button. His out lap from the pits was run with a radiator blanking plate in place. This was only noticed by a journo and had been missed by the team because it was the same colour as the bodywork.  I hate to say this – oh hang on, it's McLaren, so no I don't – but letting “presentation” rule over the aerospace principle that blanking plates are in such a contrasting colour that you can't possibly miss them is the absolute antithesis of professionalism.  It's called “dumb”. I like to think that the problem was made worse by Jenson missing the overheating warning light, because it was bright grey on a grey background. The team was also quoted as saying that following the overheating “something underneath failed”.  That would be the engine then.....

The next couple of Safety Cars were “drain-related”. In the first a drain cover was insecure and (according to Patrick Head) punctured Rubens Barrichello's Williams’ tyre, resulting in a lurid spin at 170 mph. The body language was that Rubens was unhappy and as he exited the car he threw the (alleged, and dependent upon amortization policy) $50,000 steering wheel away....into the path of Chandhok's HRT which is probably not what Karan would have chosen. It stuck under the car for a while. Clearly, if a drain cover can knock out a Williams, a steering wheel could do a lot of harm to an HRT. Rubens is a lucky boy that the Stewards weren’t a bit more uncharitable.

And so to the final Safety Car. I was grumbling that there wasn't much overtaking. Trulli must agree with me because he decided to try to pass Chandhok at Rascasse.  It was an optimistic move which had little chance of success unless Chandhok had moved over – and no racing driver will do that.  Their wheels entangled and Trulli’s Lotus did a pirouette on top of the roll bar of the HRT Dallara.  Leaving aside any blame as to the incident it was a massive tribute to FIA requirements (and Dallara's implementation of them) that a potentially horrific accident ended so harmlessly.

With the Lotus parked neatly on top of the Dallara, recovery was never going to be easy and with 7 laps to go the Safety Car rumbled out again and stayed out until the end – nearly.  It pulled in with a corner to go, and the cars crossed the Safety Car line and the green lights were on. Brawn and Schumacher interpreted this as “Race On” so Michael rather forcefully passed Alonso.  It was a pity that it was so controversial because it was one of the most interesting passes of the day. However, there was a debate as to whether under the circumstances racing was permitted or whether this was a Safety Car finish.

Stefano Domenicali said. "Our understanding of the rule is pretty clear, you can't overtake on the final lap."  However that clearly wasn’t Brawn’s understanding.  The decision went to the Stewards and one of their number was Damon Hill. Would he be influenced against Brawnmacher by past gladiatorial combats in the Williams vs. Benetton days?  Schumacher was demoted by 20 seconds to 12th, Alonso retained 6th.  I am sure Damon would not have allowed past events to influence his decision, but he still got hate mail. Interestingly, the FIA felt obliged to issue a rule clarification that there is to be no passing under such circumstances.

Fourth and sixth are not what Ferrari would have hoped for.  There's no doubt that had the team been permitted to roll out a replacement car for Alonso for qualifying the results would have been very different.  Red Bull seem to have the upper hand in car development but, leaving aside Kubica, who I still rate as one of the best, and whose natural place may well be in a red car, Ferrari were, this weekend the best of the rest. And since Red Bull have (between Monaco and completing this report) developed an effective auto-podiatry firearms policy, there's still hope for the championship.

Click here for FIA lap chart.

Stefano Domenicali: “First and foremost, I want to congratulate the team and the drivers who did a perfect job today. Felipe drove impeccably, pushing hard when he could and running at the same pace as the leaders. Fernando produced an amazing climb through the field: starting from pit lane and finishing sixth is a great result, which came courtesy of a drive that was as aggressive at the start as it was well judged at the end. The chosen strategy, to immediately stop and change tyres proved to be absolutely the right one.

Felipe Massa: “On this track, if you don’t make up places at the start, it is difficult to pass other cars, especially if they have a similar race pace. You need to be patient and then exploit any eventuality such as others making mistakes. I ran almost all the race behind Vettel and Kubica and finished in the same position from which I had started: I don’t think I could have done more.

Fernando Alonso: “This result is a morale booster. To start from pit lane and finish sixth is way more than we could have expected. It was a difficult Sunday for me and much of the credit for this result goes to the team, which chose an aggressive strategy and worked hard to build the car for the race, starting from almost zero: to finish a race like this without having problems is the result of a super job. We must stay calm and work well: the results will come and it was clear to see today how talented our team is. At the end of the nineteen races in the championship we will see who is strongest. If it’s not us, it will mean someone else did a better job, not because we haven’t tried our best.”